FSUgly

2015.07.15--FSU_Ugly_Arrests--CARTOON

With the Tallahassee police blotter starting to resemble the FSU depth chart, one has to wonder if head coach Jimbo Fisher actively recruits young men with a predilection for violence against women, or if perhaps beating women is just part of the Seminole training program.

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Are You There God? It’s Me, Russell

2015.07.10--Russell_Wilson_God--CARTOON

As Super Bowl 50 ended, Patriots Nation celebrated, the 12th Man second-guessed, and God apparently felt it necessary to explain himself to Russell Wilson.

DangeRuss recently revealed that God spoke to him on the field,  proving what athletes always tell us: the Divine Creator does have an acute interest in sporting events. Or could Wilson have been confused…

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Suh Beach

2015.03.10--Miami_Suh_Beach--CARTOON

$114M can buy a lot of hot cars, pure drugs and sweet pastel outfits in Miami….or one defensive lineman, if that lineman is all-world tackle Ndamukong Suh. Forget South Beach, it’s about to get a makeover as Suh Beach. (more…)

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Don’t Mind If I Do…

“Hey Marshawn — How About $24M?”

2015.03.09--Lynch_Contract_Thanks--CARTOON

Is it a method, or just madness? With Marshawn Lynch, one never knows.

The all-pro back definitely runs to the beat of a different drummer – the ways in which he deals with the media (insanity), with teammates (exclusionary) and the opposition (brutality) are uniquely his, but it seems to work for him.

At the Super Bowl he ignored questions from the press, hinted that an internal conspiracy kept him from winning the game, and then threatened to retire…only to work out a two-year contract extension for $24M. Not bad to be Beast Mode. (more…)

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Crazy 88

 

An epic Super Bowl served as a colorful ribbon on a PR-nightmare of a season for the NFL, but won’t be enough to candy-coat an offseason that could get ugly, starting with the surreal saga of Dez Bryant.

The All-Pro Dallas Cowboys’ wide receiver is due for a contract extension, but talks are reportedly hampered by rumors of an incriminating video which could keep the X-Factor off the field indefinitely. The twist? No one really knows if the tape exists, what’s on it, or who has it…only that it’s supposedly much worse than Ray Rice’s season-ending cameo.

What could be worse for an NFL player in today’s climate than footage of him knocking out his fiancée and dragging her by the hair? We hypothesize…

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